Joni Goes Out On A Limb...November 13, 2004

And this is where things start to get scary...For Joni, that was... The thing is, that because of the distance between them, Stephen and Joni always had honesty and risk-taking and throwing everything out on the line built in to their relationship.

I mean, what was the worst that could happen? For them, at this point, before meeting each other, or even speaking on the phone, a bad breakup would have meant no more email. No drunk-dialing, no hoping to bump into the other person at the store or the corner bar, no getting updates from the mutual friends, no anything usually involved in these "gee, I really like you, let's see if there's something there" situations. Which means that there's no reason not to fly without a net, there's no reason for them not to take big chances, and climb out on big limbs.

But then again, what is it they say about hindsight?

Below is Joni's email response to Stephen's Amorphous Email of the same day... this one lays the groundwork for them to either keep going along the same path, or part ways. Again, big, huge, scary moment at the time, inevitable move looking at it in hindsight...


"Hey stephen,

O.K., first off, your email, despite being all over the map, precisely mirrors how (dare I say - "us", or the notion thereof) makes me feel. I, too have been all over the map on this particular issue.

I appreciate your deepest desire not to hurt me. In fact, that's really one of the nicer things that anybody has said to me, since I know you mean it and that it stems from a greater desire to like me. Indeed, if I lived there, or if you lived here, this would be the simplest of matters, quickily settled with an arm wrestle over who gets custody of Rupert Murdoch and then who's going to cook dinner tonight.

Don't think that i haven't seen down the line to the "long long long term issue", as you phrased it. I have, and to be chaotically honest as well, it makes me want to beat my head up against a wall with frustration. I mean, we both have this deep deep sense of home, and if we ever did get to the point where we'd have to choose a life together or apart, it would tear me up to ask you to give up what you seem to want most out of life - getting back to the farm and taking it over from your dad - just to be with me. And I know it would be hard for me to leave this place and these people. I don't know that I could do it for the rest of my life. But I also don't know that I couldn't do it if I were certain that the price to pay was worth it (ie. knowing that the only person in this world who is right for me is on the other side of it, and that the frequent flyer miles accumulated going home once a year, or meeting family halfway, like Hawaii, could one day get me and mine free travel to Tuscany...)

I look at this whole you-me thing as a great experience, and honestly, the best moments of my day, every day. Look, judging from your email, (and I'm going out on a limb here, so bear with me) it seems like you might feel like I do, that when I get an email from you with something like "Banquo's ghost" or "Yassar Araft finally made a lasting contribution to the Middle East Peace Process", I beat my deak and cry out "My God, I could so love this boy - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (scream of deep, deperate fear!!) then, I temper that with "But he's on the other side of the planet, so I can't love him. It will never work out, and we'll only get hurt." Then, there's this calming realization that everything happens for a reason, Stephen. And you know what, maybe we are meant to be together, and maybe we're not. That's obviously not something we are just supposed to divine from tea leaves right now or anything, just one of those "you don't know" moments when I channel Angie. (that's her catchphrase every time I say something derisive about my future.)

Anyway, here's the crux of where I was just now trying to go: God makes two people absolutely right for one another on this Earth, whether or not He made us for one another and then, due to our poor behavior, dropped us on opposite sides of the planet, is not for us to know - but, what I do know is that before I met you, I was wandering, searching, and not knowing what I was even looking for, making my odds of ever finding anyone somewhere between slim and none. It sounds like since your bad experience last year, and all the time you dedicate to your career, that you were similarly lost in the same department as I. And here's the thing - you are the benchmark by which I will now judge every man I might meet. You have so completely set the bar for a girl who never even had standards before. You have made me realize what I want most out of whoever I end up with, and to not settle for less, seeing as how the benchmark exists, somebody in the world has to fill it. And maybe I never find someone else to come close to the benchmark, but at least I know that someone exists who set it. All right, I know that probably didn't make any sense at all - but it's where I am.

And speaking to your barbeque posture, there's no words to express how badly I wish I could be the girl to fill it. Or that you could assume the same position with me on the couch in Angie and Frank's sunroom, engaging in witty banter and conversation with them.

now, as for "us", there's four ways in which I think we could settle this:

1. We could decide to just roll with this, and play it by ear, and mull over the possibility of maybe meeting halfway sometime next year - like in Hawaii,(or Ireland, if we go the other way) to see if we even would want more than a great friendship. The way I see it, that way, no matter what, we both get a vacation, and the opportunity to hang out and have fun with someone we know we'd have a good time with. And then, from there, we see where we go.

2. We could arm wrestle to see who moves across the international date line, and settle the Rupert Murdoch dispute thusly at the same time.

3. We could just accept this great friendship of ours, continue to curse and growl at the Pacific Ocean, and just keep enjoying what we have, and you could just accept your "benchmark" status,and continue to act accordingly.

4. We could settle this emotional unease on both our parts the French way - we could cut and run. (But, despite my French lineage, I don't really think that's the solution.)

O.K. - that was my bout of chaotic honesty. I know I'm out on a limb here, and I am scared to death of how you might take in and process what all I just threw out there. But, you know what? I'm gonna send this anyway, and if you decide that you don't want to hear any more from me, well, then, I guees it's a good thing that you picked up the Doomsday Book the other night.

So, I am, very truly -
Thine,
- Joni"