An Inkling.... October 6, 2004
This email just absolutely tickled me, and made me think of Stephen in a whole new light. He was not only brilliant, but now he was funny and a comical figure. And I love to laugh, so you can only imagine how this went a long way from transitioning him from just an interesting guy to an interesting guy with "guy" potential... Below is his email that really, really tickled me. Poor baby. Every time I read it, I can't help but think that Murphy's Law does exist and is out there to kick us in the teeth every now and then...
" Hey CajunCoulter,
How are things? I’m taking sort-of a break from work before I plough back inot it. I say "sort of" because I’ve already had one, and it’s after working hours anyway. To clarify: I’m one of the Red Cross’ plasma donors, I went down to the Blood Bank after work today to give blood, I’ve now returned to the office, and before I start doing some work I’ll send you an email. Whew!!
Yesterday evening was a good example of Murphy’s law in action. After I sent that email to you, I got the train … which was then delayed for an hour because another train got slightly derailed.
So I was an hour late for the committee meeting by the time I’d got to my place, got my car, and driven round there. Then, after the meeting, I stopped off at the supermarket to pick up a few little luxuries (you know, bread, things like that). When I got back out to the car-park, I see a trail of water leaking away from my car. Hmm, thinks I, not a good sign, but there’s not a lot I can do here. I’ll risk it for 15 more minutes and drive back to my place. I duly did so. Well, when I got the car stopped at the front of my flat, there was steam rolling out from under the bonnet. Sigh. OK, get a torch and have a look under the bonnet and throw my suit jacket on the front seat of the car. OK, no major problem – a tiny hole had appeared in one of the radiator hoses and was blasting out steam and water and coolant. Fine, the sort of problem I should be able to fix with a rubber patch and some heavy duct tape. Oh well, it’s 11:20PM. I’m NOT going to start pulling the cooling system apart tonight. Lock the door and slam it shut. … … Oh dear…
Yes, there were my car keys. Safely sitting on the drivers seat of my nice safely locked car. I had one of those moments that made me wonder what extremely evil thing I’m one day going to do that I’m being pre-emptively punished for. I mean, will I wonder order a genocide or is being a lawyer sufficient for this? I then spent about 20 minutes trying to pick the lock with a length of wire (uh uh) and to force the window open (also uh uh). Ultimately I rang my little sister (from whom I bought the car), who’s currently working night shifts at Royal Melbourne Hospital. Umm, did she keep one of the keys to the car when she sold it to me. Yes, she had. Could she it in the mail box next time she’s going past? Yes, she could. I now owe her a 6-pack of Crown Lager.
This, though, has affected my plans for handing out how to vote cards (I’ll explain about them in a minute) on Saturday. Even though I’ll be happy enough to rely on my repairs if I’m just driving around Melbourne, I’m NOT going to go all the way to Drouin and Leongatha in a car which is developing more than a little bit of engine trouble. I can do quite a few things to keep my car running, but trying that on Saturday would probably leave me stranded somewhere in West Gippsland at about 2:00AM on Sunday morning. So I called a car rental place this morning and I’ll hire a car to use for the trip – that way the engine should be in top form, the spare tyre reliable, and if I have engine trouble and break down (or, God forbid, have a prang), some one else has to worry about arranging the towing and repairs. All I need to do is put $500 insurance bond on the line, which I’m comfortable enough about my driving skills to do.
You asked me about "how to vote" cards. I’d better explain – they’re a bit of an Australian oddity. We use preferential voting here, where you vote by numbering the candidates for your seat in the order in which you prefer them from 1-whatever. When the votes are counted, they just count the first preferences. If that doesn’t produce a candidate with 50% of the first preferences, the candidate with the lowest number of first preferences is excluded, and they add to the remaining candidates’ tallies the number of second preferences each of them received from the excluded candidate’s ballot papers. This process continues until (a) one candidate has over 50% of all votes and (b - usually) there’s no prospect of any other candidate getting over 50% on the uncounted preferences. The practical upshot of this is that the preferences of losing candidates can affect who wins a seat and (by extension) who wins government (don’t forget that the Prime Minister is only the leader of the party with a majority in the House of Representatives, and himself a member of Parliament John Howard is the member for the seat of Bennelong). So, it’s vitally important to secure not just first preferences, but later ones as well. So people need to vote in the right order, hence the need for how-to-vote cards, which set out what this order is. What makes this election troubling is that there’ll be a large vote for the Green Party (possibly as big as 10-12%), and nearly all these voters will give their second preference to Labour. On the flipside, the Liberal and National Parties will pick up preferences from the Family First Party, a pro-Christian party closely tied to the Pentecostalist Church. Their preferences won’t cancel out the Greens, but they will take the edge off them.
OK, here endeth the lesson on the Electoral Act 1901. There’s not a lot of other political news from here. No new polls – there’ll be a NewsPoll on Friday. Although currently the bookies at Centrebet have very much made their pick about the winner. I think I quoted some odds to you a few emails ago. The odds have shifted again – Howard’s now on slightly less than even money (a $1 bet would win you $1.20) Latham is on worse than 4 to 1 ($1 would get you $4.50 if he wins).
OK, what else? Are you still stuck with the enthralling task of reading about slurry pump wear? Thank you so so so much for reminding me of Ann Coulter’s column about the telepathic John Edwards – I’d forgotten that! Believe me, I’ve no sympathy for him just because he’s a trial lawyer. I hear he took a contingency fee on winning cases of 30% of the freaking award – that’s atrocious by any standards. I don’t begrudge him making money at all still, I’m a little bit embarrassed to see a member of the legal profession acting with THAT much unseemly greed.
For the records, contingency fees (i.e. charging a percentage) is illegal in Australian law. If he practiced here, he would have lost his practicing certificate and (for a fee that big) possible even been struck off the roll of practitioners. It sounds like fun though, doesn’t it? Maybe I should try that with my boss: "Nick, can I PLEASE tell the court I’m being spoken to by the dead? What about being contacted by someone on the other side of the universe? Or I’m getting my instructions from the King of the Potato People?? What about it, hey?". But no. What do I get? I get bad backs, dislocated knees and assault victims. How did Cheney go? I haven’t seen the reviews yet, but I think Edwards would have surely come across as a lightweight. Really, eeeeeeeevillllll Halliburton presumably took some sort of skill to run (for instance, Cheney managed to run it when he couldn’t read its accounts. At least, I assume he couldn’t read them – I understand from your liberal media over there that he’s really Darth Vader and so I assume he couldn’t see the account pages through those black perspex eye covers. Now I think of it, why not just get Cheney to campaign AS Darth Vader? Or at least propose to make him Defence Secretary – you could have your defence policy co-ordinated by a man who blows up planets just to make a point. The North Koreans would be petrified…)
I just re-read that last paragraph. Before you ask, no, I’m not taking acid. My imagination went wandering, that’s all.
It’s pretty bad about the people killed in the swamp boat accident – terrible for them, and perhaps even worse for their families. Death comes to all of us but you don’t want it to come like that.
In answer to the issue about the possible photos of me in make-up and dresses … Godammit I thought I had the records destroyed! Who let on to you anyway? Huh? Or is there something on the internet I should know about?? Actually, most of the embarrassing photos of me while young tend to involve nudity (no, nothing dodgy). The one that is embarrassing is one where the camera was a bit out of whack and the focus makes it look like my head constitutes a third of my body. There are some good ones though! One of me in particular has me sitting on the floor, looking could-have-been-angelic-if-I-wasn’t-dribbling! Come one, let on – is there any photo of you that’s going to appear when you least expect it??? (again, I’m not asking about anything like THAT – I think that’s a market Paris Hilton has well and truly cornered).
You mentioned the Antique Arms Collectors Guild – you’d love that, I think. Because it’s mostly genuine antique and collectable arms we collect, we don’t shoot them (although there’s a BIG community of blackpowder shooters here). There’s certainly a lot of collectors of American Civil War material here a genuinely surprising amount shows up at the gun shows. In answer to your question – my collecting interest is the Raj – the period of British rule in India. I haven’t really been able to collect much though, due to (a) slight financial shortage and (b) the insanely stringent storage requirements for firearms here (I’ll bore you with that another time). So, my collection at the moment consists of a single Lee-Enfield "India Pattern" bayonet circa World War Two, and a medal from the Royal Punjab Engineers that I’m trying to trace the provenance of. I also have a couple of ordinary rifles for target shooting and hunting (a Sako .222 and a Brno .22). Do you do any shooting at all? I’m guessing a lot of people do where you are – If I recall, I think there’s a lot of small game in Louisiana? Am I right?
OK, I just hit 4 pages on M’soft Word – I’d better get SOME work done before I get out of here. At least I’ve sent you a decent long email for once!
I hope all’s well with you – should be sending you something more tomorrow!
Till then…
AussiePatriot"
This email just absolutely tickled me, and made me think of Stephen in a whole new light. He was not only brilliant, but now he was funny and a comical figure. And I love to laugh, so you can only imagine how this went a long way from transitioning him from just an interesting guy to an interesting guy with "guy" potential... Below is his email that really, really tickled me. Poor baby. Every time I read it, I can't help but think that Murphy's Law does exist and is out there to kick us in the teeth every now and then...
" Hey CajunCoulter,
How are things? I’m taking sort-of a break from work before I plough back inot it. I say "sort of" because I’ve already had one, and it’s after working hours anyway. To clarify: I’m one of the Red Cross’ plasma donors, I went down to the Blood Bank after work today to give blood, I’ve now returned to the office, and before I start doing some work I’ll send you an email. Whew!!
Yesterday evening was a good example of Murphy’s law in action. After I sent that email to you, I got the train … which was then delayed for an hour because another train got slightly derailed.
So I was an hour late for the committee meeting by the time I’d got to my place, got my car, and driven round there. Then, after the meeting, I stopped off at the supermarket to pick up a few little luxuries (you know, bread, things like that). When I got back out to the car-park, I see a trail of water leaking away from my car. Hmm, thinks I, not a good sign, but there’s not a lot I can do here. I’ll risk it for 15 more minutes and drive back to my place. I duly did so. Well, when I got the car stopped at the front of my flat, there was steam rolling out from under the bonnet. Sigh. OK, get a torch and have a look under the bonnet and throw my suit jacket on the front seat of the car. OK, no major problem – a tiny hole had appeared in one of the radiator hoses and was blasting out steam and water and coolant. Fine, the sort of problem I should be able to fix with a rubber patch and some heavy duct tape. Oh well, it’s 11:20PM. I’m NOT going to start pulling the cooling system apart tonight. Lock the door and slam it shut. … … Oh dear…
Yes, there were my car keys. Safely sitting on the drivers seat of my nice safely locked car. I had one of those moments that made me wonder what extremely evil thing I’m one day going to do that I’m being pre-emptively punished for. I mean, will I wonder order a genocide or is being a lawyer sufficient for this? I then spent about 20 minutes trying to pick the lock with a length of wire (uh uh) and to force the window open (also uh uh). Ultimately I rang my little sister (from whom I bought the car), who’s currently working night shifts at Royal Melbourne Hospital. Umm, did she keep one of the keys to the car when she sold it to me. Yes, she had. Could she it in the mail box next time she’s going past? Yes, she could. I now owe her a 6-pack of Crown Lager.
This, though, has affected my plans for handing out how to vote cards (I’ll explain about them in a minute) on Saturday. Even though I’ll be happy enough to rely on my repairs if I’m just driving around Melbourne, I’m NOT going to go all the way to Drouin and Leongatha in a car which is developing more than a little bit of engine trouble. I can do quite a few things to keep my car running, but trying that on Saturday would probably leave me stranded somewhere in West Gippsland at about 2:00AM on Sunday morning. So I called a car rental place this morning and I’ll hire a car to use for the trip – that way the engine should be in top form, the spare tyre reliable, and if I have engine trouble and break down (or, God forbid, have a prang), some one else has to worry about arranging the towing and repairs. All I need to do is put $500 insurance bond on the line, which I’m comfortable enough about my driving skills to do.
You asked me about "how to vote" cards. I’d better explain – they’re a bit of an Australian oddity. We use preferential voting here, where you vote by numbering the candidates for your seat in the order in which you prefer them from 1-whatever. When the votes are counted, they just count the first preferences. If that doesn’t produce a candidate with 50% of the first preferences, the candidate with the lowest number of first preferences is excluded, and they add to the remaining candidates’ tallies the number of second preferences each of them received from the excluded candidate’s ballot papers. This process continues until (a) one candidate has over 50% of all votes and (b - usually) there’s no prospect of any other candidate getting over 50% on the uncounted preferences. The practical upshot of this is that the preferences of losing candidates can affect who wins a seat and (by extension) who wins government (don’t forget that the Prime Minister is only the leader of the party with a majority in the House of Representatives, and himself a member of Parliament John Howard is the member for the seat of Bennelong). So, it’s vitally important to secure not just first preferences, but later ones as well. So people need to vote in the right order, hence the need for how-to-vote cards, which set out what this order is. What makes this election troubling is that there’ll be a large vote for the Green Party (possibly as big as 10-12%), and nearly all these voters will give their second preference to Labour. On the flipside, the Liberal and National Parties will pick up preferences from the Family First Party, a pro-Christian party closely tied to the Pentecostalist Church. Their preferences won’t cancel out the Greens, but they will take the edge off them.
OK, here endeth the lesson on the Electoral Act 1901. There’s not a lot of other political news from here. No new polls – there’ll be a NewsPoll on Friday. Although currently the bookies at Centrebet have very much made their pick about the winner. I think I quoted some odds to you a few emails ago. The odds have shifted again – Howard’s now on slightly less than even money (a $1 bet would win you $1.20) Latham is on worse than 4 to 1 ($1 would get you $4.50 if he wins).
OK, what else? Are you still stuck with the enthralling task of reading about slurry pump wear? Thank you so so so much for reminding me of Ann Coulter’s column about the telepathic John Edwards – I’d forgotten that! Believe me, I’ve no sympathy for him just because he’s a trial lawyer. I hear he took a contingency fee on winning cases of 30% of the freaking award – that’s atrocious by any standards. I don’t begrudge him making money at all still, I’m a little bit embarrassed to see a member of the legal profession acting with THAT much unseemly greed.
For the records, contingency fees (i.e. charging a percentage) is illegal in Australian law. If he practiced here, he would have lost his practicing certificate and (for a fee that big) possible even been struck off the roll of practitioners. It sounds like fun though, doesn’t it? Maybe I should try that with my boss: "Nick, can I PLEASE tell the court I’m being spoken to by the dead? What about being contacted by someone on the other side of the universe? Or I’m getting my instructions from the King of the Potato People?? What about it, hey?". But no. What do I get? I get bad backs, dislocated knees and assault victims. How did Cheney go? I haven’t seen the reviews yet, but I think Edwards would have surely come across as a lightweight. Really, eeeeeeeevillllll Halliburton presumably took some sort of skill to run (for instance, Cheney managed to run it when he couldn’t read its accounts. At least, I assume he couldn’t read them – I understand from your liberal media over there that he’s really Darth Vader and so I assume he couldn’t see the account pages through those black perspex eye covers. Now I think of it, why not just get Cheney to campaign AS Darth Vader? Or at least propose to make him Defence Secretary – you could have your defence policy co-ordinated by a man who blows up planets just to make a point. The North Koreans would be petrified…)
I just re-read that last paragraph. Before you ask, no, I’m not taking acid. My imagination went wandering, that’s all.
It’s pretty bad about the people killed in the swamp boat accident – terrible for them, and perhaps even worse for their families. Death comes to all of us but you don’t want it to come like that.
In answer to the issue about the possible photos of me in make-up and dresses … Godammit I thought I had the records destroyed! Who let on to you anyway? Huh? Or is there something on the internet I should know about?? Actually, most of the embarrassing photos of me while young tend to involve nudity (no, nothing dodgy). The one that is embarrassing is one where the camera was a bit out of whack and the focus makes it look like my head constitutes a third of my body. There are some good ones though! One of me in particular has me sitting on the floor, looking could-have-been-angelic-if-I-wasn’t-dribbling! Come one, let on – is there any photo of you that’s going to appear when you least expect it??? (again, I’m not asking about anything like THAT – I think that’s a market Paris Hilton has well and truly cornered).
You mentioned the Antique Arms Collectors Guild – you’d love that, I think. Because it’s mostly genuine antique and collectable arms we collect, we don’t shoot them (although there’s a BIG community of blackpowder shooters here). There’s certainly a lot of collectors of American Civil War material here a genuinely surprising amount shows up at the gun shows. In answer to your question – my collecting interest is the Raj – the period of British rule in India. I haven’t really been able to collect much though, due to (a) slight financial shortage and (b) the insanely stringent storage requirements for firearms here (I’ll bore you with that another time). So, my collection at the moment consists of a single Lee-Enfield "India Pattern" bayonet circa World War Two, and a medal from the Royal Punjab Engineers that I’m trying to trace the provenance of. I also have a couple of ordinary rifles for target shooting and hunting (a Sako .222 and a Brno .22). Do you do any shooting at all? I’m guessing a lot of people do where you are – If I recall, I think there’s a lot of small game in Louisiana? Am I right?
OK, I just hit 4 pages on M’soft Word – I’d better get SOME work done before I get out of here. At least I’ve sent you a decent long email for once!
I hope all’s well with you – should be sending you something more tomorrow!
Till then…
AussiePatriot"
posted by Joni and Stephen | 3:49 PM
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