Of course, in any relationship, there needs to be some sort of guiding influence. Someone who the parties can model themselves on and who can help themfind a way to understand each other’s character. Joni and I settled on the sterling fellow here pictured.

In seriousness, finding a common love of the Peanuts cartoon strip was just one more piece of the puzzle. No doubt Joni will describe at some point both of us having Charlie Brown moments of looking at “us” and freaking out along the lines of “Oh my God I’m involved with someone on the other side of the planet how the hell did it end up this way are we doing the right thing I’m not so sure about this oh Jesus this is getting right out of hand!!!”. It’s also entered our personal lexicon too: oddly enough, every time Joni’s come over here she’s met my “little red-headed girl” – the first girl I had a crush on.

I probably should give the source of this illustration – partly for copyright reasons and also because it’s a great site. HIGHLY recommended, especially about that time of day where you’ve been at work for a bit and are starting to doubt whether there’s any good in the human character (mind you, I’m a lawyer, so I tend to reach that point after being at work for more than 5 minutes).

While I’m recommending sites, can I recommend the Red Hill Brewery?. The beer is good and strong and lunch there is unbeatable. Just, if you go there on a bright autumn day, make sure you get a table in the shade: Joni had the sunburnt shoulder to say why!

So it has come to this. I turn my back for 5 minutes and suddenly we become web superstars! Well, hello everyone on this side of the Pacific and the other. The challenge for Joni and me, I suspect, will be to prevent us disgusting all who know us by being disgustingly cute.

Something she-of-the-bayou hasn't mentioned yet is that we've both made pilgrimages to each other's worlds - Joni has come to Australia twice and I've been there once (and will go again in July, hurricanes permitting). Actually, my last visit was made not long after Katrina roared through the Gulf Coast. I can guarantee you that it didn't affect Bourbon Street in New Orleans though - after a night there I had the hangover to prove the bars were still open. What I'm leading up to here is that this trip lead to one of my favourite photos of Joni, posted here, of her at a place called "The Table is Bread" outside of Baton Rouge.

See why I'm willing to brave hurricanes to see her?!?

Where's Bing Crosby When You Really Need Him... Christmas, 2004

If anyone can ever believe it, Christmas 2004 was the first White Christmas along the Bayou in recorded history!! And so, naturally, Joni was absolutely beside herself!

Oh, and by the way, for the record, what Cajuns do with snow best is chill the wine for the meal!

Below is Joni's email of shock, happiness, and Christmas cheer to Stephen...

"[huge, exuberant hug and ecstatic kiss!]

Merry Christmas! - IT SNOWED!!!!!! Yes, the cold weather and the fact that IT SNOWED are making me gleeful beyond words right now. I have been gleeful like this all day, since I got up this morning and had to scrape ice off my truck to drive over to Angie's house to witness the Christmas carnage of the kids upwrapping presents.

Yes, I took loads of pictures, which reminds me how glad I am that I decided to hold off till after Christmas to mail out your next package, as I shall be including pics of a white, Blanchard Christmas on a CD in your next parcel. And, there are loads of pics of me and the Rathle kids playing in the snow over there as well. Nic and Rachel were beside themselves, though, in all honesty, they weren't beside themselves so much as I was. Angie's sister lives up in Michigan, and they all went visit her last year, so the kids played in tons and tons of snow before. But I hadn't. And, short of a Christmas miracle, like today was, I'd never have any hope of seeing a white Christmas, either. As soon as I get the pictures from Angie and Frank from the Rathles, I'll send you some as well. I would bring Jacques out for a little while at a time, and make a little snowball, hand it to him, and he would laugh and laugh, and then throw it down on the ground to watch it pfff...disintegrate. Oh, it was the cutest thing! And there were some HUGE snowflakes at times, big, puffy ones, and I would try to get Jacques to try and catch one and facing into the wind and falling flakes, his little face would get coated with them, and he thought that was just the funniest thing in the world. He would laugh, and then throw his little head back and stretch his arms out, trying to catch them, then when one would come in range, he'd pull his arms back, snuggle into me, and laugh. Truly, the best Christmas of my life. And I honestly can't even begin to think of how many, many, times I thought of you today, and how this would be something that would absolutely tickle you, and how much fun you would probably have had, throwing snowballs, or playing with the kids, or just watching it fall down out of the south Louisiana sky in utter, total, disbelief. And, to have an utterly chaotically honest moment here, I wished you were here like never before.

I guess this is a little backwards, chronologically speaking, that is, in that I led off with the snow, as it was the headline, and now I'm about to go back to last night's Midnight Mass, and then forward to today and the Christmas celebrations and gifts. So, please pardon the jumping around, it's just that I'm freaked out and excited beyond words. So, here goes:

LAst night's Midnight MAss was wonderful! I mean, I have a great affinity for Midnight Mass to begin with, but these people really know how to throw such a service. The choir, the church, the preist, the homily, the incense, everything, was amazing and just made you feel a palpable joy and hope and light. My two brothers, my sister in law, and my nephew and his girlfriend all came over to meet me at my house, from whence we walked over to the church, and to whence we returned on foot following Mass for some hot cocoa. On our way back, it was sleeting pretty hard, and we noticed that all our cars were coated in ice from the sleet, which was amazing in and of itself. I did manage to keep the pipes from busting, though it doesn't sound like the same can be said for the neighbors.

This morning, I awoke early, got dressed and headed to the Rathles to witness the Santa-induced Christmas carnage. I arrived a little after the kids got up and got everybody else up, and didn't miss too many of the the presents. Rachel and Nic liked their gifts very much, and Jacques LOVED the little THomas the tank Engine train set I got him, and it was, in fact, the only present he played with right away. I take that as a very good sign, indeed. Frank was pleased with the cordless drill I got him, and Angie LOVED her talking Donald Rumsfeld doll. In fact, everyone loved Rummy, and later on, Frank's dad was seen in the corner, the rUmmy doll cradled near his ear, listening intently to the different things he had to say. Angie and Frank went all out for me, and bought me the whole set of the tools of the trade pots and pans. This is a big deal in that they are the best pots and pans you can get your hands on around, and now I own a complete set. I also got the extended edition of the Lord of the Rings, the Return of the King, and a bottle of great dessert wine. After gorging ourselves on the Rathle feast, I had ot go over to my family's house for our own feast and gift exchange.

I got several gifts I think you would appreciate, especially something from my brother, which, sense he gave me two small bottles, I think I shall send you one and keep the other for myself. It's a bottle of Pusser's Rum, made in the British Virgin Islands, and is a faithful reproduction of the rum issued on all British NAval vessels. Indeed, I think you'll appreciate it as much as I do. So, I think I will drop it in your package as well! I also got a 10 pack of beers of the world, and a few other things from assorted and sundry siblings.

How did your Christmas go? Were your gifts well-recieved? What sort of stuff did you get?
All right, as I am noding off right now, please ccept my apologies and allow me to slip off to sleep.
[she cuddles in bed with him, looking out the window as the moonlight glistens off the awe-inducing snow and she takes the perfect moment in the moonlight to kiss him.]
Thine,
Joni"

Phone Calls and Drunken Emails can be so much fun... December 23, 2004

It was on this evening that Joni pulled ALL her courage together and actually placed the first trans-Pacific phone call to Stephen. He was wrapping up a million things so that he could go to the office Christmas lunch and then take off the rest of the year, and she was wrapping some last-minute Christmas presents.

Joni had never been so nervous in all her life, and Stephen had never been so surprised, and so, the conversation was pretty funny to listen to... It pretty much consisted of both of them trying to figure out what the hell the other was saying with their funny accents! As soon as she got off the phone, Joni called Angie and told her that Stephen sounded like the sexy Wiggle (Anthony, for those of you without small kids...).

Stephen got off the phone, finished what he was working on, and then got his drink on with the office crew... Below is the email he sent Joni after that heavy office drinking session (drunken typos included)...

"Hi Joni,

It’s 12:20AM here. I just got back from my night out, and I’m still more than a little drunk from the combined effects of said night out plus Christmas party. Reall, I’m going to send this to you and then pass out – that level of fatiugue and intocication . Well, first I’ll drink about 2 litres of water – I tend to find that makes the hanbg0ver live-withable.

I guess the main thting I wanted to cover was having spoken with youn earlier today. I hope I didn;lt come acrtposs tooo badly. I apprecaite I probablyt seemed a biyt ramnblky and stilted – all I can plead is that i6t was at work and I was abit vcaught off guard. Also, I guess it was just the hearing of your voice – I guess, one always has an impression of a person one’s in touhc with, but I’d never really thought ablut what you might soi8nd like, and then there you were, American accent and all. I guess I just wasn;lt ready for it! I don’t knoiw whtehr I’m leadfing to anyhting especially here. I guess I justb felt I should tell you.

And, I’ll tell you one more thing: Ususuall after any night up alkl I’ve felt is morew alone thean ever, wisying I had someohtne to come home to, or to go home with. And with you in the wings., in a sence, I’ve felt happier about copomeing home than I tyhink I’ve ever vbeen.

OK, well thnat was the main thkisn I wanted to dsay ,a and so I guess I’ll send this and then get some micjmn needed sleep. I’ll hang arounbd for a little while and if you want to shoot a message back to me, fine.

OIK, so, fom your druckren and tireed friednl – I hgope all’s well, and I hiope I didn’t createw a bad imprewssion beforew

Thine,
Stephen"

Cue the Rathles...December, 2004

From the very beginning, there have been mentions of a mythical Angie, a Frank, a Jacques, a Nic, and a Rachel. These fine folks are the incomparable Rathle Family, who are Joni's closest friends in Thibodaux, and who are also the entire reason that Joni and Stephen are together in the first place.

That in itself is a long enough story, best told over drinks, so we'll not go into it here. However, since they feature so prominently in life on the eastern side of the International Date Line, they merit a little explanation...

Joni has been friends with the Rathles for almost 7 years now, having met them when she worked for Angie as a Park Ranger in Thibodaux. At the time, Angie only had two kids and a Frank. It was only three years ago that they added on to the family, and had the other great love of Joni's life: little Jacques.

I have a very vivid memory of the day I stood in the Rathle kitchen and explained to Angie over a Newcastle "Don't laugh - BUT, I met a guy, and he's wonderful, but he lives in Australia and it will never work, but my God, he's perfect!" And the more vivid part of that memory is the complete opposite of what I expected to hear. Angie told me that she was happy, and hopeful, and not to worry about the distance. If it turns out to be right, it will all work out. (She has this great faith in all things being possible and working out just like they're supposed to. She's like a little Ronald Reagan, you know, but a girl. And not a president...)

Getting back to the Rathle family... Jacques is Joni's only Godchild, and so Stephen learned early on that it was best to keep that little man happy, supplied with Suga candy, and his brother and sister also happy and supplied with Suga candy if Stephen ever even wanted a chance with Joni. And so, from very early on, Stephen made it a point to send packages to Joni including goodies for the Rathle kids and kind words for Angie and Frank as well.

One can only imagine the excitement Stephen's visit was met with at Rathle Central... the kids even made two big signs to post on the doorways welcoming "Mr. Stephen", and Stephen did not disappoint, coming laden with candy and a cricket set as well as Wiggles merchandise for the littlest Rathle.

The long and the short of it is that without the Rathles saying "Go for it. If he's wonderful, what difference does it make if he lives on the other side of the world? (Angie)" or "Put your hair DOWN, and do something about those nails! (Frank)" - Joni and Stephen would not have made it past being good friends. And for that, both Joni and Stephen are eternally grateful...

A Heart Like Phar Lap...December 13, 2004

For those of us who grew up on a continent other than Australia, horse racing isn't that big a deal. (well, except for people in Kentucky... but I digress...) And picking up on the name of an Australian racehorse that only raced in one race in America in the 1930s isn't exactly something I think anyone other than Bob Costas could do this side of the international date line.

However, apparently Australians take their horse racing VERY SERIOUSLY (I mean, the nation shuts down for the Melbourne Cup race... Seriously.) and they are all well-versed in the story of the mighty horse Phar Lap. (And yes, that actually IS the stuffed horse in question above... he's on display at the Melbourne Museum, and Stephen and Joni went to pay homage to him on her first trek.)

So, here's the thing, only Stephen Tuck can call a girl a dead horse and make it a knee-buckling-melt-a-girl's-heart-romantic thing to say... Below is the original email, with the follow-up email explanation in brackets in blue after the reference.

"My very dear Joni,
[Insert happy Snoopy dance here!!!]

I got your package today!!! I’d been out to the Magistrates Court at Heidelberg, and lo, when I got back, there it was at the reception desk waiting for me! I cannot even begin to thank you enough for what you did! For one thing, the book on the Crusades was one I’d seen advertised on Human Events a number of times, but wasn’t able to find a copy of anywhere in Melbourne. Believe me, if you’d been a mind reader you couldn’t have picked better. As for the vial of water from Bayou Lafourche… Words fail me. You are undoubtedly the most thoughtful, imaginative girl I’ve ever met (actually, the "inner Ranger" point you raised was what surprised me about getting the said vial at all. I understand mail into Australia is checked over by the Quarantine and Inspection Service, who would usually bar something like that from entering the country!). Your letter absolutely struck me. For one thing, you have beautiful handwriting. Also, am I right in saying you perfumed the letter? That I really appreciated – the sort of nice touch hardly anyone would bother with now. Now, I have had a look at the CD you sent of your world – and believe me, I’m not scared off at all. Your family, I might say, certainly look like nice people!
What supremely struck me about what you sent though was that you DID send it. I’ve never known a girl who would have gone to that much trouble over me, and I can’t thank you enough.

To tell the honest truth to you, as I was going over all of it at lunch, I couldn’t react or feel anything, and I think it was just because I’d never had to deal with that particular situation before – there was no response in the lexicon to go to. It’s now that I can actually write to you and say it all, I find all the happiness is coming through. I must tell you, that I find you absolutely amazing like that. Considering the sort of person I consider myself to be, and the sort of woman you are, I’m stunned stunned stunned that you don’t detest me, and the fact that you took so much time and care over something for me is almost out of the bounds of what I can absorb.

A quick follow-up to the above: when what I’ve sent you arrives, please don’t compare it with what you sent me, because it’ll compare pretty unfavourably. I promise it isn’t as meagre as it is because I couldn’t be bothered. Only that I just didn’t see the standard I should have met for you. Look, obviously there’s no law that says I can’t send you another bundle of things… So I think I will indeed do that! But, I promise it wasn’t that I wasn’t trying; only that I didn’t fully appreciate what I must do to be properly worthy of you. Even though I’ve said this before, I’m not sure if you fully believed me: I can’t understand why you felt the need to put a posting on singlerepublican.com. I just can’t believe that you weren’t swamped with fellows; nor that you actually are giving some of your time to me. Now, you said before that you see yourself as fat, and I can only assume you meant that to include traits of being plain and unattractive. Well, even if that were true (which it isn’t), I can tell you that from where I sit, it looks like you’ve got a heart to match (here we’d say you had "a heart like ‘Phar Lap’"). So, I can only keep stressing how gobsmacked I am that you actually bother with me, and that I’m not at all sure I deserve you. [Oh, to explain at least one thing out of your last email – to have "a heart like ‘Phar Lap’" is indeed a compliment! Briefly, Phar Lap was a racehorse here in the 1930s whose fame bordered on legendary. I think that out of all the first class races he ran, he won all but two. He was a most remarkable horse. Anyway, he was sent to the US to try his hand in the races there in (I think) 1933 and died in mysterious circumstances. For a long time it was thought he was poisoned; more recent analyses have said it was more likely the change in feed and climate that he wasn’t able to cope with. Anyway, he was brought back to Australia where he was stuffed and put on display. It was then that the secret of his success was found: he had an unusually large heart, even for a horse, and that was why he had so much staying power. So, the saying has entered Australian English "to have a heart like Phar Lap", to denote someone especially energetic, warm hearted, dedicated, big-spirited or someone who always tries very hard. In short, someone of very good and admirable qualities! So, yes, indeed it is a compliment. ]

Well, it’s now after midnight, and I guess I’d better reluctantly close this and go to bed. I don’t think I realised before now how much I truly enjoy writing to you. And I do hope you take to heart what I’ve said here, because I meant it.

Good night Joni
Stephen"

"The Ledge" is introduced... November 17, 2004

In a series of emails where both our fearless Stephen and Joni whined like small children about how much they were working in their respective jobs, and how things were about to spin wickedly out of control into the abyss of work-related chaos, the concept of being out on a ledge was kicked out by Sir Stephen.

Joni well and duly picked up the ball and ran with it, offering to bring out an imaginary ice chest of beer, and perch beside Stephen on this intangible ledge. They still talk about going up to their ledge as the happy place where they can escape that which is most troubling them about work, etc.

Below is a photo taken from the actual ledge in Melbourne atop the Rialto Tower. In the distance is the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) the Yarra River, St. Paul's Cathedral, Flinders Street Station, the Southbank, and a million other Melbourne landmarks. Also in the picture somewhere is the Young and Jackson's Hotel - one of the coolest bars in all of Melbourne, and one of Stephen and Joni's favorite places in the whole wide world! (Try their house naked ale... you won't regret it. Though what you do with your own clothes is up to you...)

The French Option Ruled Out...(and the rest is history) - November 13, 2004

This is where Stephen makes it clear that he's not cutting and running. And I guess the rest is history... Below is the exchange of emails between Joni and Stephen late one evening on the Bayou, and midday for Stephen in Melbourne. And yes, there was genuine shock at Stephen's lack of knowledge of the wonder that is gumbo...

But all that got fixed during Joni's first trip to Stephen's world in August of 2005, when she cooked gumbo for Stephen and his parents. (A good story for a later time...)

"Hi,
Yep, I am. I got your earlier email and have read it. I’m still figuring out just what to write back, but I think you hit the nail on the head with what you said. So, I don’t yet have a full reply but I think I know what I’m going to say. Anyway, two thing I *AM* sure of are (a) I don’t think the ‘cut and run’ option has any great attraction – I like trading email with you too much; (b) Kind of already said, but YES, I do still want to hear from you.
BTW, what actually IS gumbo??
Stephen Tuck"


"****GASP*** What IS Gumbo!!!?!?!?!?!????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Gumbo is, quite possibly, south Louisiana's most world-renowned food. (and that's saying something) It's a soup/stew that you serve over rice and it's traditionally been a great way to feed a crowd with a little bit of acutal meat. It's spicy and kind of smoky flavored, and not at all too watery, that's why you make it with a dark roux, so that it thickens a little and gets nice and dark. Oh, I could was rhapsodic on gumbo for quite a while yet. But I'llspare you. Let me just say that it is THE comfort food of my people when confronted with cold weather. Well, to address the emails from earlier issue, I can't tell you what a comfort it is to hear you say that I hit the nail on the head. If only you could narrow that nail hitting down to one stream of thought or theme contained in the email, I'd feel even better. And I am positively elated that you are not opting for the French method!! - joni"

"I’ll set it all out in proper detail a bit later (like, when I’m out of this damn office). What I think is that you and me should, as you said, “roll with it”, and look at meeting in Hawaii or Louisiana or Melbourne at some point. I mean, neither of us is, so far as I can tell, in a desperate hurry to settle down with someone else forever just for the sake of doing so. So I think the best thing would be to keep on as we have been doing, and keep getting to know each other and each other’s worlds and see if we really are right for each other – as there’s no huge time-pressure, I think we should take advantage of that fact. If we (or either of us) ultimately decided it wasn’t to be, well, I think we could (indeed would have to) live with that. And at the very least, we’d keep a great friendship, which on its own would be worthwhile. One can never have too many friends. I guess approaching it this way does, in a sense, create an “us” as a natural corollary, but one that lets you and I go on with our lives and lets us each be flexible if an absolutely ideal ‘significant other’ dropped out of the sky here or there. Kind of the ultimate low-pressure thing, with each one of us really living as before, only with a really nice person on our “over-the-horizon” radar. Anyway, that’s where my mind’s been going with this. I’ll probably set it out in a bit more detail later, but that’s the gist of what I think I’ll ultimately say.BTW, would you like me to cast about for a copy of the Doomsday Book for you? If I have a hunt round Melbourne I can no doubt find one.
Let me know.
Stephen Tuck"